See what you’re missing from Britain
By Martin Coates
While sitting under the Cretan sun, the cooler nearby packed with cold Amstels, I reminisced about all the things I left behind in Britain. I mean, only in that great land:
- can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance
- do supermarkets make sick people negotiate their way to the back for prescriptions, while healthy folk get to buy their cigarettes at the front door
- do people order a double cheeseburger, large fries and a DIET coke
- do people lock their junk lawnmower in the garage and leave their expensive cars on the drive
- are there disabled parking spaces in front of the Ice Rink
And finally, I was thinking how much safer it is on Crete. Last year in Britain:
- 18 people had serious burns trying on a new jumper with a cigarette in their mouth
- 544 Brits needed hospital treatment after opening beer bottles with their teeth
- 8 people cracked their skulls while throwing up in the toilet